IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE - Don't Overlook The Obvious

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Visions Of A Former Spouse

Your 1st spouse
Should not be in your bedroom,
Whether 'hanging on the wall'
Or in your thoughts,
While in the bed which you now share
With your new spouse

"She was a huge part of my life! I can't and won't deny her existence."
"He was my 1st true love. And, even though I have moved on, I enjoy seeing memories of him, around the house."

We all have a past. And those who are divorced or widowed have a unique past that will (and should) remain a part of their life, forever.
That said, one needs to know when and how to keep those memories visibly alive.
If you remarry, your new wife or husband realizes that they were not 'Your 1st'. And, they should be open to occasional reminders, both verbal and visual, of your other partner. But the emphasis needs to be on the word 'occasional'.

To be honest, it is often best for a 2nd marriage to occur in a new residence. One chosen together. That way, no one's memories are always in the forefront. - Decorations and furnishings, if feasible should be at least partly a mixture of new items chosen by both parties.

And, I see nothing wrong if there are occasional photos of a former spouse, on a table or mantle.
However, there should not be a large portrait of the 2 of you, on the wall. If there is a family portrait, including children, then that is different. But, even so, it should not have a prominent place in a frequently used room. (So that it is fine if in a hallway, as opposed to the living room.)

Now, onto the bedroom.
Photos of your former husband/ wife do not belong there. Period.
Of all the rooms in the home, the bedroom speaks of the deepest intimacy. It is not simply where you both make love. It is where you drift asleep with the 'Love of Your Life'. It is where you unwind and often share the deepest conversations. It is where you undress, both literally and figuratively.
So that this is not where your new honey needs to be always reminded that there was another special person in your life. - Besides, it is human nature for new spouses to try and compare themselves with the former Mr. or Mrs. And, adding to that stress would not be productive.

Finally, and, so importantly, you must remember to 'disengage from your former spouse, completely', when making love. - No one wants to be compared to another lover. In your own mind, you realize that each spouse will have (had) their own unique manner of arousing and pleasing you. And, you, they. - Fantasy is natural. So is occasionally picturing that you are making love with another person, as in a movie star or even a co-worker. The problem is that when you fantasize about an actual former lover, especially a spouse, you are crossing over that fine line between fanatasy and reality. And, that is simply unfair to you and your new love.

New, beautiful, and exciting memories will not grow well, when under the shadow of a former spouse.

'Nuff said!

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