IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE - Don't Overlook The Obvious

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Is a natural emotion.
How it is expressed
Should determine the response to it.

We all experience it. Some of us, more than others. Some of us, primarily when around specific people or situations.
Some of us try holding in our anger. perhaps out of fear that we might 'explode'. Others because we were taught that it was 'bad' to do. Still others because we do not know how to properly do it, and we don't want to mess things up, by mistake.

We certainly know folks who lash out, seemingly, at 'anyone and everyone'.
There are 'Yellers', and 'Hitters', and 'Pay-Backers', and 'Verbal Abusers'.
None of the above is the way that you should be dealing with anger toward your spouse or the way that you should be treated by your husband or wife.

If your partner is physically abusive, you should leave. Right away. (And, with your children, if you have any living with you.) Dn't worry about money. Or possessions. There are community-based or government-run programs in every state. You were not born to be a human punching bag. And you do not deserve it, despite whatever your spouse tells you.

If they are verbally abusive, let them know that it isn't acceptable. Help them find other ways to express anger. There are anger management groups run in both private practices and government-backed programs. - Don't get caught-up in the verbal lashing out. That accomplishes nothing except resulting in an eventual 'upping of the ante'. And, any children will get the wrong ideas as to how conflicts and stress should be handled.

If the anger comes from too much job stress, then help your wife/ husband find a new job or ways to decompress. - If the stress is from too much time being a stay-at-home parent, then help them get some out-of-the-home time doing something that they would find relaxing or fun.

If money is the stressor, find ways to increase the income or cut expenses. Perhaps, both.

If you are afraid of expressing your anger, verbally, be careful. Without a proper release, you will find other ways. And, they can backfire. Don't be a 'bitch' or 'bastard' by purposely doing things to get back at them. - Why not? Because they will either respond back in kind, eventually leave you, or find another way to make your life miserable.

So, what should you do?
Well, first of all, decide whether or not you are angry at them, yourself, or someone else.
If it is truly aimed at your partner, then let them know. But not when your pressure is up.
Use discretion. Depending upon the topic involved, you might not want your children or others to be in listening range.
Don't broadside your spouse, either. Let them know that you want to let them know about something that got you feeling angry.
Stay to the topic at hand. Don't blow off steam about the fifty things that you have wanted to complain about. Otherwise, they will lose your point and probably fire-back at you with their own barrage.
You can get your point across without yelling. But, it is okay to speak loudly. Otherwise, it is difficult for many of us to feel a true relief about the venting.
Let them have an opportunity to respond. - If they move off topic try to get them to focus back on what you were discussing.
If things begin to get out of hand, then excuse yourself with a comment about not wanting to continue the discussion until both of you can be calmer.

Will any of this be easy fo some of us? No. But will it be worth it? Absolutely!

'Nuff said!

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