Help others find this article:
Simply because you remember
Different words being said,
It does not mean that your spouse
Is purposely misrepresenting
"Yes, you did!'
"No, I did not say that!"
" I was standing right here, yesterday, when you promised to do it!"
"I said that I would do it this weekend! - Weekend! - Not, yesterday." - Don't you ever listen to what I say?"
"I'm not stupid! I know what I heard you say. You just want an excuse because you chose to go out with your sister, instead. - Admit it!"
"I will not admit to something that I did not say. - I am so tired of you twisting my words!"
Sound familiar? With only a few word substitutions, many couples can remember the times when this scenario played out. - One of you accusing the other of saying something that they claim is a twisting of their words.
And, obviously, you believed, with all of your heart and soul, that you said what you believe that you said. And can only assume that your spouse was either not paying close attention, or is simply wanting to be a jerk.
Face it! We are all guilty, at one time or another, of 'mis-hearing' or 'mis-remembering ' a conversation.
Many times, it is because we know what we would like to hear for a response from our spouse. - For example: We want them to agree to doing a dreaded chore, that day, and not later. Or, we do not want to hear them say that they forgot to mail a bill on time. Or, we want them to say 'yes' to having our parents stay for an extended visit.
Other times, our faulty memory is due to our multi-tasking at the time of the conversation. And, face it: with a screaming child tugging at our clothes or a crucial touchdown about to take place on TV, we truly only give our divided attention.
Then, of course, there is that other possibility. One which we virtually never want to admit could be the case. That our spouse truly believes they heard other words being said. - And, whether or not it is because they were distracted, or wanted to hear what would satisfy their needs, is irrelevant. - The bottom-line is that they truly believe another version of events
than you do. Without
attempting to manipulate you or get themselves out of trouble.
Now, I am not saying that they are not purposely distorting what was actually uttered. Only that it is very likely you each simply heard something different.
Have you ever watched a courtroom drama on TV where each witness to a crime remembers something very different from the others? - That represents reality. And, so does the possibility of each of you mis-hearing the other.
Bottom-line, think of giving your partner the benefit of the doubt. And, if this is a chronic circumstance, then try to eliminate distractions which might be at work here. Touch base with them, later, regarding the topic. Simply to avoid a blowout, down the road.
Remember: Communication is not always an easy task, but mis-communications are almost always a very difficult matter to correct!
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