Help others find this article:
A Different Fantasy
About life with your spouse,
Instead of life with someone else.
We all do it at some point.
And, why not? It's really simply a form of daydreaming. Right? What harm could it cause?
What am I speaking of? Fantasizing.
Now, before you go off half-baked and let your mind automatically wander to the bedroom (or kitchen or...), let me qualify what I mean by 'fantasizing'.
Not only am I including sexual fantasy, but I am focusing on the whole picture. What life would be like if you had married that former girlfriend or boyfriend. The one who either 'got away', or who dumped you because you were not mature enough yet, or the one who kept chasing you, and now you are playing the game of 'What If... ".
You look around and see your crowded apartment or your home in the 'just okay' neighborhood. You drive a 3 or 10 year old car. Which is a min-van, by the way. Not the sexy convertible that you always pictured yourself in, while speeding down the open road. And there are 3 or 4 kids running around screaming. Their toys left around the place, just waiting for you to be exhausted; then, silently
screaming for you to pick them up, dust them off, and put them away. Or, your teenager just swore at you, before storming out to meet their lover. (Hopefully, with a condom in hand.) And, you checked your account balance only to see that once again your spouse overdrew it. Speaking of your spouse, you glance their way and no longer see the sexy and desirable person whom you once could not live without.
All of the above simply feeds the fuel for the fantasy portion of your mind. So, you allow yourself to drift into the alternative universe where you married someone else. Your children are adoring, respectful, brilliant, athletic, and religious. Your home is in a gated community. There is no clutter, because your maid and butler instantly handle any mess. Your bank account is overflowing. You have to decide among a convertible, Porsche, Lexus, or your Harley, when going for a spin. Your spouse could easily grace
the cover of any magazine. They adore you completely. Plus, they are the world's greatest lover, always in the mood, and in the mood to please you.
Now, there is nothing truly wrong about fantasizing like this, if it is in moderation. And, you keep it to yourself. - Unfortunately, some of you find it so much more enjoyable than reality that you overdo this. And, whether or not you realize it, the fantasy and your distatste for your real life ends up spilling over into your everyday reality. And, your children and spouse pick up on your
unhappiness. And, there will be negative results. Whether or not they verbally let you know what is wrong.
Then, of course, some of you will verbalize your fantasy to your spouse. And once that is done, there is no taking it back. Words often last longer and hurt more than actions. And, if you let your husband/ wife know that you dream of a better lover, sexual intimacy will probably never be the same, again. If you speak of finances, then there will be a better chance that wounds will heal. But, there is no guarantee of that happening.
Again, I do not find it wrong for you to occasionally daydream of a different life with someone else. Depending upon how often you do it, if you share this fantasy, or if you act upon it, you could bring disastrous results into your household.
Now, how about a different, probably better type of fantasy?
Try fantasizing about your spouse. That's correct!
Instead of dreaming about that babe or hunk from your past or at work, come up with tantalizing, incrediubly great fantasies with your loved one, at the center of it all. Whether it is an erotic one, or you daydream of a magnificent vacation, or you imagine you all living a life of luxury and excitement, incorporating your real-life spouse will probably provide you with a better mood. One that will carry-over into your day-to-day-life. And, perhaps offer you a new perspective on what you do have, together. Or,
help to give you incentive to work harder for a better and happier lifestyle.
And, one final thought. Do you really believe that you are all that your spouse would hope for, all of the time? Fantasies go both ways. - So dream of what you do have and can have... all with the mate whom you are truly blessed with.
Have a question or comment regarding the above topic? Why not share it?
(Click here! Others will probably thank you for your contribution!)
Order your copy of
Improve Your Marriage -
Don't Overlook The Obvious
from Amazon.com or this website!
Advice, Tips, and More
Click on a button below.