IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE - Don't Overlook The Obvious

(NOT your typical marriage book)

   


                         

Episode 24 of the RUSS IRVING SHOW --
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MARRIAGE QUOTES
Some humorous. Some not. But, all offer something to think about.
Each week we will try to add at least 1 new quote.

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day. - Mickey Rooney

Sometimes you have to get to know someone really well to realize you're really strangers. - Mary Tyler Moore

Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water. The pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome. - Jerry Seinfeld

The formula for a happy marriage? It's the same as the one for living in California: when you find a fault, don't dwell on it. - Jay Trachman

I don't like to discuss my marriage, but I will tell you something which may sound corny but which happens to be true. I have steak at home. Why should I go out for hamburger? - Paul Newman

Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.  - Emily Bronte

I'm never going to get married again. Three strikes you're out. I think if I would try to get married again in California Ihave to go to prison don't I? I think you only get three. - Roseann Barr

Just because you're of the same sex, what difference does it make? Get married to whomever you want. - Famke Janssen

 I've always said that I expected to grow up and get married like any nice southern girl, but the fact is you don't get married in the abstract. You find someone that you'd like to be married to. - Condoleezza Rice

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books. - Alan King

A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left. - Marilyn Monroe

Choose a wife rather by your ear than your eye. - Thomas Fuller

In many instamces, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to 'Until debt do as part'. - Sam Ewing

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Donald H. Mcgannon

Getting a dog is like getting married. It teaches you to be less self-centered, to accept sudden, surprising outbursts of affection, and not to be upset by a few scratches on your car. - Will Staunton

Love is not something you feel. It is something you do. - David Wilkerson

Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse. - Arthur Baer

If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever. - Alfred Tennyson

I used to believe that marriage would diminish me, reduce my options. That you had to be someone less to live with someone else, when of course, you have to be someone more. - Candice Bergen

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. - Rodney Dangerfield

When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence. When men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment. - William Farrell

I've been married to one Marxist and one Fascist, and neither one would take the garbage out. - Lee Grant

Political promises are much like marriage vows. They are made at the beginning of the relationship between candidate and voter, but are quickly forgotten. - Dick Gregory

One man's folly is another man's wife. - Helen Rowland

There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage. - Martin Luther

Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry. - Tom Mullen

Husbands are like fires - they go out when they're left unattended. - Cher

A good husband makes a good wife. - John Florio

The deed of love is stronger than words. - Pearl Bailey

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. Rodney Dangerfield

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. - Georg C. Lichtenberg

Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up. - Evelyn Hendrickson

Perhaps my problem in marriage - and it is the problem of many women - was to want both intimacy and independence. It is a difficult line to walk, yet both needs are important to a marriage. - Hedy Lamarr

All that a husband or wife really wants is to be pitied a little, praised a little, and appreciated a little. - Oliver Goldsmith

Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage. - Sydney Harris

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.  - Ruth Bell Graham

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. - Henny Youngman

It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love. -  Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert

We can do not great things, only small things with great love. - Mother Teresa

The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly. - Peter De Vries

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - Henry Ward Beecher

One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall back in love again. - Judith Viorst

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility. - George Levinger

An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. - Stephen Leacock

If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry. - Anton Chekhov

To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others. - Francois Mauriac

You don't find love. It finds you. It's got a little bit to do with destiny, fate, and what's written in the stars. - Anais Nin

A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming

We still love each other like we did when we first met. We’ve got amazing children…and we’re very happy. We manage it perfectly. Me and my wife–we’re very hands-on…We juggle our lives with our work and in our family, children always come first. So, it’s as simple as that. - David Beckham

They say marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass. - Rodney Dangerfield

Being married is like having somebody in your corner, it feels limitless, not limited. - Gloria Steinem

If we repealed all the laws of the world, marriage would still exist. - Tom McClintock

Each marriage has to be judged separately, and we never know what's going on in another person's marriage. - Mary Wesley

You know you are in love when you see the world in her eyes, and her eyes everywhere in the world. - David Levesque

A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge. - Thomas Carlyle

Will you love me in December as you do in May? - Jack Kerouac

As for his secret to staying married: "My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she is coming with me." - Jon Bon Jovi

Marriage is a reflection of your life in general: how you treat people, how you argue, how secure you are in your own thoughts. How vehemently do you argue your point of view? With what disdain do you view the other's point of view? - William Shatner

Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn't even have when you were on your own. - Eddie Cantor

Life is a flower of which love is the honey. - Victor Hugo

A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. - Woodrow Wyatt

Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very imporant. - Lisa Hoffman

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age -- as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. - Phyllis Diller

I write about the men you want to read about but don't necessarily want to be married to. - Susan Elizabeth Phillips

I think that enduring, committed love between a married couple, along with raising children, is the most noble act anyone can aspire to. It is not written about very much. - Nicholas Sparks

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. - Robert Quillen

Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity. - George Bernard Shaw

Marriage is the bond between the person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

The ideal husband understands every word his wife doesn't say. - Alfred Hitchcock

When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out. - Elizabeth Bowen

I should like to see any kind of a man, distinguishable from a gorilla, that some good and even pretty woman could not shape a husband out of. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

There's no substitute for a great love who says, 'No matter what's wrong with you, you're welcome at this table. - Tom Hanks

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. - Oprah Winfrey

Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing. - Goethe

The power of love, as the basis of a State, has never been tried. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

All love shifts and changes. I don’t know if you can be wholeheartedly in love all the time. - Julie Andrews

Love is a promise, love is a souvenir once given, never forgotten, never let it disappear. - John Lennon

Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope. - Maya Angelou

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are. - Will Ferrell

You know its love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you're not part of their happiness. - Julia Roberts

Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time. - Chris Rock

People stay married because they want to, not because the doors are locked. - Paul Newman

I'm going to embarrass my kids -- sex is important. Sex is really important. - Kyra Sedgwick

Weddings are never about the bride and groom, weddings are public platforms for dysfunctional families. - Lisa Kleypas

One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst

We have the greatest prenuptial agreement in the world. It's called love. - Gene Perret

There is a time for work. And a time for love. That leaves no other time. - Coco Chanel

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it. - Helen Rowland

As long as you know that most men are like children, you know everything. - Coco Chanel

The only love worthy of a name is unconditional - John Powell

We have a couple of rules in our relationship. The first rule is that I make her feel like she's getting everything. The second rule is that I actually do let her have her way in everything. And, so far, it's working. - Justin Timberlake

There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Henry David Thoreau

To avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation. - E. W. Howe

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married. - Katherine Hepburn

A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality. - John Lennon

I never even believed in divorce until after I got married. - Diane Ford

I like to believe that love is a reciprocal thing, that it can't really be felt, truly, by one person alone. - Sean Penn

I chose my wife, as she did her wedding gown, for qualities that would wear well. - Goldsmith

Men are a luxury, not a necessity. - Cher

Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the othe hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur. - Jerry Seinfeld

Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures. - Samuel Johnson

There are people who've said that I'm being brave for being openly suppoprtive of gay marriage. I am not being brave, I'm a decent human being. Love is a human experience, not a political statement. - Anne Hathaway

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house. - Lewis Grizzard

Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid. - Harlan Miller

Man is the only animal that blushes or needs to. - Mark  Twain

If we men married the women we deserved, we should have a very bad time of it. - Oscar Wilde

Sometimes I think marriage licenses should be like driver's licenses. They expire after a number of years, and in order to keep going you have to renew. Wouldn't that be kind of genius? It would force you both to look at the relationship, and if it's not working, the marriage would expire so you could go on your merry way, or on the positive side of it, you could look at each other and say we really want to renew. What a way to keep it fresh. - Jenny McCarthy

Have you ever heard of a good marriage growing in front of the cameras? - Brigette Bardot

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so muich how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility. - Leo Tolstoy

The first duty of love is to listen. - Paul Tillich

Like good wine, marriage gets better with age - once you learn to keep a cork in it. - Gene Perret

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam - Johnny Carson

Rituals are important. Nowadays it's hip not to be married. I'm not interested in being hip. - John Lennon

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have their own bathroom! - Catherine Zeta-Jones

I did not always think he was right nor did he always think I was right but we were each the person the other trusted. - Joan Didion

No matter how happily a woman a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not. - H. L. Mencken

One advantage of marriage is that is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst

We have something called naked Sundays ... You have to keep marriage alive, spice it up ... We don't need to go anywhere, we're just with each other. We do everything naked. We cook naked. - Christina Aguilera

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. - Albert Einstein

Some women pick men to marry, and others pick them to pieces. - Mae West

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else. - Mae West

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. - Ingrid Bergman

Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly. - Rose Franken

Some women pick men to marry, an dothers pck them to pieces. - Mae West

A bride at her second marriage does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting. - Helen Rowland

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. - Groucho Marx

I met Miranda, and she just was that girl. I’m screwed now that I’ve met her, because I don’t know who could be better for me in my eyes and my mind. That’s just how she’s always been for me since I met her. - Blake Shelton

Run away for secret weekends. We're always talking about going away for a four-day weekend. We do this occasionally. We check into a hotel in down town New York and pretend we're tourists. And, nobody knows who we are. We have a nice little suite and we indulge ourselves. We go to the theater and eat out, go to all of the places we don't get a chance to go to. - Ossie Davis

The main thing is we've always been dedicated to each other while keeping a sense of humor about everything. - Yogi Berra

I’m just a big believer in ‘you must love yourself before you can love anybody else,’ and I think for me that breeds the most inspired relationships. — Scarlett Johansson

Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct: What they like is to be a man's last romance. - Oscar Wilde

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. - Groucho Marx

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly. -  Mae West

Just working hard. - Anne Bancroft

You don’t need to be on the same wavelength to succeed in marriage. You just need to be able to ride each other’s waves. - Toni Sciarra Poynter

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago. - Will Rogers

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you. – A.A. Milne

A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers. - Eddie Cantor

Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave. - Martin Luther

Love to me is someone telling me, 'I want to be with you for the rest of my life, and if you needed me to I'd jump out of a plane for you.' - Jennifer Lopez

If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife. - Ann Landers

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicyce repair kit. - Billy Connolly

Marriage is like a pair of shears oft times working in opposite directions, but punishing anyone that comes between them. - Sydney Smith

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. - Dr. Seuss

Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone - but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding. - Bette Davis

Lust is what keeps you wanting to do it even when you have to desire to be with each other. Love is what makes you want to be with each other even when you have no desire to do it. - Judith Viorst

The prudence of the best heads is often defeated by the tenderness of the best hearts. - Henry Fielding

A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I like to believe that love is a reciprocal thing, that it can't really be felt, truly, by one. - Sean Penn

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. - Chris Rock   

There are two thoings for a marriage to be good. One is to work hard on it. the other is to marry above you. And I succeeded at both. - Ben Affleck

To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. - David Viscott

Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look that becomes a habit. - Peter Ustinov

Marriage is really tough because you hae to deal with feelings... and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

All men should freely use those seven words which have the power to make any marriage run smoothly: You know dear, you may be right – Bill Cosby

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. - Joey Adams

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx

The great secret of successful marriage is to treat all disasters as incidents and none of the incidents as disasters. - Sir Harold George Nicolson

She's ben married so many times, she has rice marks on her face. - Henny Youngman

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me. - Winston Churchill

Well married a person has wings, poorly married shackles. - Henry Ward Beecher

When you have a baby, love is automatic. When you get married, love is earned. - Marie Osmond

At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is they are usually married to each other. - Ann Landers

Real giving is when we give to our spouses what is important to them, whether we understand it, like it, agree with it, or not. - Michele Weiner-Davis

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continuew to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson

Let the wife make her husband glad to come home and let him make her sorry to see him leave. - Martin Luther (not, Martin Luther King, Jr.)

A good marriage is at least 80 percent good luck in finding the right person at the right time. The rest is trust. - Nanette Newman

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. - Mickey Rooney

Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last -- more than passion or even sex! - Simone Signoret

To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow - this is a human offering that can border on miraculous. - Elizabeth Gilbert

It feels like you have this partner who's going to be with you and also change light bulbs.And you know, do dishes with you. - Jessica Biel

The only love worthy of a name is unconditional. - John Powell

We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry or because they remain intrigued with each other, because of many kindnesses, because of luck. But part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness. - Ellen Goodman

A successful marriage is an edifice that must be rbuilt every day. - Andre Maurois

Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings. - Rita Rudner

I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern. - Mickey Rooney

Marriage is about the most expensive way for the average man to get laundry done. - Burt Reynolds 

Love is absolute loyalty. People fade, looks fade, but loyalty never fades. You can depend so much on certain people; you can set your watch by them. And that's love, even if it doesn't seem very exciting.  - Sylvester Stallone

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. - Joan Crawford

When you see a married couple walking down the street, the that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad. - Helen Rowland

He knows when to swoop in with the gesture. He's sweet that way. Honestly, I would do anything for that man, because I know it's not taken for granted. - Jennifer Garner

I would never have gotten married if it weren't for him. You have to want to be married to someone. You have to feel that reciprocated. Marriage for marriage's sake doesn't make any sense to me, and I found someone with whom I could put my money where my mouth is, I guess. - Anne Hathaway

All weddings are similar, but every marriage is different. - Ann Landers

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. - Robert Frost

Having a baby has made (our marriage) stronger... you look at your husband and you're like, 'We did this together - Hillary Duff

You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. - Kahlil Gibran

Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths.  No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century. - Mark twain

You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. - Kahlil Gibran

All marriages are mixed marriages. - Candice Bergen

I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children they just about throw up. - Barbara Bush

If love means never having to say you're sorry, then marriage means always having to say everything twice.  - Estelle getty

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams

The best smell in the world is that man that you love. - Jennifer Aniston

I am in love - and, my God, it is the greatest thing that can happen to a man. I tell you, find a woman you can fall in love with. Do it. Let yourself fall in love. If you have not done so already, you are wasting your life. - D. H. Lawrence

Maybe love is like luck. You have to go all the way to find it. - Robert Mitchum

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house. - Jean Kerr

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. - Gloria Steinem

Any woman who still thinks marriage is a fifty-fifty proposition is only proving that she doesn't understand either men or percentages. - Rose F. Kennedy.

To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage; because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt. - Madonna

I try to believe like I believed when I was five…when your heart tells you everything you need to know. - Lucy Liu

A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy. - George Jean Nathan

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. - Oscar Wilde

The one who loves the least, controls the relationship. - Robert Anthony

He knows when to swoop in with the gesture. He's sweet that way. Honestly, I would do anything for that man because I know it's not taken for granted. - Jennifer Garner

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelly Winters

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does. - Groucho Marx

Someone once said that two halves make a whole. And when two halves move in together, it makes a whole lot of stuff. - Sarah Jessica Parker

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. - Red Skelton

Sometimes I bust out and do things so permanent. Like tattoos and marriage. - Drew Barrymore

Passion makes the world go 'round. Love just makes it a safer place. - Ice T

A good friend just told me that the key to a successful marriage was to argue naked! I’m gonna do that from now on, when that rarely happens. - LeAnn Rimes

True love cannot be found where it does not exist; nor can it be hidden where it does. - David Schwimmer

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility. -Leo Tolstoy

True love brings up everything - you're allowing a mirror to be held up to you daily. - Jennifer Aniston

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. - Aristotle

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed. - Oscar Wilde

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. - Robert Frost

When you are in love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams. - Dr. Suess

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

Sensual pleasures have the fleeting brilliance of a comet; a happy marriage has the tranquility of a lovely sunset. - Ann Landers

Love is moral even without legal marriage, but marriage is immoral without love. - Ellen key

There's only one way to have a happy marriage, and as soon as I learn what it is, I'll get married again. - Clint Eastwood

Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day. - Barbara De Angelis

Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended - Zsa Zsa Gabor

We keep a lot of candles in our bedroom. I want us to always stay honeymooners. -Clint Black

Trouble is part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you enough chance to love you enough. -Dinah Shore

Before marriage, a woman has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him. - Marilyn Monroe

The older theory was marry an older man because they're more mature. but the new theory is men don't mature. Marry a younger one. - Rita Rudner

The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It's a choice you make - not just on your wedding day, but over and over again - and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife. - Barbara DeAngelis

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of - Mae West

True love stories never have endings. - Richard Bach

My wife tells me she doesn't care what I do when I'm away, as long as I'm not enjoying it. - Lee Trevino

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being. - Oscar Wilde

Men should be like Kleenex... soft, strong, disposable, - Cher

The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart. - Helen Keller

Some of us are becoming the men we want to marry - Gloria Steinem

A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences. - Dave Meurer

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. - Helen Rowland

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. - Sam Keen

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages. - Friedrich Nietzsche

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. - Rita Rudner

Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash. -Joyce Brothers

Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side. - Zig Ziglar

We’ve got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to keep watering it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it. - John Lennon

The easiest kind of relationship is with ten thousand people, the hardest is with one. - Joan Baez

The trouble with women is that they get all excited about nothing... and then marry him! - Cher

 

It's a very brave thing to fall in love. You have to be willing to trust somebody else with your whole being, and that's very difficult, really difficult and very brave. - Nicole Kidman

 

My husband and I have never considered divorce... murder sometimes, but never divorce. – Joyce Brothers

 

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked. - Bill Cosby

 

The vulnerability of opening your heart fully and deeply to another is terrifying, but at a point in my 50s, I realized that I had to step up to the plate. - Jane Fonda

 

My heart's in the right place. I know, 'cuz I hid it there. - Carrie Fisher

 

A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it. - Don Fraser

 

Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get - only with what you are expecting to give - which is everything. - Katherine Hepburn

 

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.  -Minnie Pearl

 

You can bear your own faults, and why not a fault in your wife? - Benjamin Franklin

 

A good marriage is one, which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love. - Pearl S. Buck

 

An open marriage is natures way of telling you that you need a divorce. - Ann Landers

 

Only choose in marriage a man whom you would choose as a friend if he were a woman. - Joseph Joubert

 

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret - Henny Youngman

 

Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near. - Helen Rowland

 

The greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain. - Jennifer Aniston

 

No matter how lovesick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along. - Dr. Joyce Brothers

 

Behind every great man there is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson

 

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy, you must have somebody to divide it with. - Mark Twain

 

A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries. - Anonymous Quote

 

Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. - Mark Twain

 

What the world really needs is more love and less paper work. - Pearl Bailey

 

Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life. - Leo Buscaglia

 

We have the greatest pre-nuptial agreement in the world. It’s called love. - Gene Perret

 

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie

 

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up. - Ogden Nash

 

When a man opens the car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. -Prince Philip

 

The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. - Amy Grant

 

Before marriage, a man will go home and lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll go to sleep before you finish saying it.  - Helen Rowland

 

The best friend is likely to acquire the best wife, because a good marriage is based on the talent for friendship.  - Friedrich Nietzsche

 

Ultimately, the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation. - Oscar Wilde

 

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle

 

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. - Phyllis Diller.

 

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Hermant Joshi

 

Marriage is commonly a meal wherein the soup is better than the desert. - Austin O'Malley   

 

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed. - Anonymous

 

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it. - Lyndon B. Johnson

 

Intimacy is what makes a marriage, not a ceremony, not a piece of paper, from the state. - Kathleen Norris

 

There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is, I'll get married again. - Clint Eastwood.

 

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. - Benjamin Franklin

 

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.  - Zsa Zsa Gabor

 

Marriage is a gamble, let's be honest. - Yoko Ono

 

Never go to bed mad -- stay up and fight. - Phyllis Diller

 

Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without.  - James C. Dobson

 

Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.  - Isadora Duncan

 

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.  - Helen Rowland

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. - Henny Youngman

A simple pleasure, surely, to have breakfast alone with one's husband, but how seldom married peolple in the midst of life achieve it. - Ann Landers

  Don't smother each other. No one can grow in shade. - Leo Buscaglia

One advantage of marriage, it seems to me, is that when you fall out of love with him, or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until maybe you fall in again. - Judith Viorst
 

Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up. - Joseph Barth  

The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together. - Robert C Dodds

I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make my marriage vows mean what they say. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh. - Anna Quindlen

 

All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest--never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership. - Ann Landers

 

The sum which two married people owe to one another defies calculation. It is an infinite debt, which can only be discharged through eternity. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

 

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
- Mignon McLaughlin

 

When a girl marries she exchanges the attention of many men for the inattention of one. - Helen Rowland

 

Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal. - Louis K. Anspacher

 

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse. - Doug Larson

 

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield

 

A good marriage is where both people feel like they're getting the better end of the deal. - Anne Lamott

 

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

 

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.” - Helen Rowland   

 

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?  - Barbra Streisand


Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without. - James C. Dobson

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other.  Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.  - Katherine Hepburn

Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal. - Louis K. Anspache

A man without a wife is like a vase without flowers. - African Proverb

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse. - Doug Larson

In Hollywood, a marriage is considered successful if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner

My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside. - Roseanne Barr

Do not marry a man to reform him. That is what reform schools are for. - Mae West

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield

Immature love says: "I love you because I need you." Mature love says: "I need you because I love you." - Erich Fromm

Bigamy is having one husband or wife too many.  Monogamy is the same.  - Oscar Wilde

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. - Anonymous

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
- Mignon McLaughlin

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers. - Alan King

The man who has no secrets from his wife either has no secrets or no wife. - Gilbert Wells

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? - Barbara Streisand

Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that's a real treat. - Joanne Woodward

A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.  - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers. - Alan King

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed. - Albert Einstein

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. - Groucho Marx

How do you keep your husband from reading your email? Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals". - Author unknown

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage work. Twice a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, nice food. She goes Tuesdays and I go Fridays. - Henny Youngman

I love being married. It's great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. -- Rita Rudner  

Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage. -- Dr. Karl Bowman

Love is friendship set on fire. -- Jeremy Taylor

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. -- Either Samuel Johnson or Oscar Wilde

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IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE DON'T OVERLOOK
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